Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
