I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
