i jhust puked up my retainher.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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