I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
