I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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