THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
soo... how was my night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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