first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
