I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
