I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
