Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
