he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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