please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
try to milk me bitch
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