You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
