just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
