APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
