is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
