38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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