Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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