did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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