I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
