This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
