I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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