So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can't motorboat a personality
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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