I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
