just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
