Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
