soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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