I have demons in me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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