Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
