why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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