it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
