So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
