Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
