i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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