Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
