'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
