If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
