WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
