Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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