Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Randomize
