I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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