Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
