I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
