So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
