32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
