yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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