things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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