Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
