While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
