I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
