Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
